Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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