Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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