also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize