I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
