awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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