who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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