he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
