he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
