he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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