I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bring me that man meat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize