Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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