So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
