Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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