If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
