How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think your dad took our porno
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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