When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize