drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
