How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
