Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
did i just pee glitter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
