The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
