um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My vagina just recognized that song.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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