So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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