I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
