well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to calm my uterus...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
