Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Someone signed my nipple.
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