I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
