ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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