I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
