OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
