The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
