A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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