She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cockslap morals
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
