Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
