I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
