if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
