I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
