we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
