You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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