I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
