i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
