if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
