I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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