Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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