In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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