yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
