Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
