I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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