Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize