Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
