in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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