It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
