Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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