I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
