He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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