im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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