you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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