i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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