the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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