in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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