someone owes me an orgasm
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
