the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
