You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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