Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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