Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
