good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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